I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
