Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
