Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
