so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
