I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
