Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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