The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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