I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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