I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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