90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
