I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
