Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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