I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
