big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
