Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
