I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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