Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
