I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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