she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
