When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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