going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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