Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude. I can hear the air.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize