Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
