Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
