Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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