Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
