the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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