He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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