I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My breasts were aching with rage.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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