the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
