i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
