Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
