Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
