got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
