i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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