i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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