people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
