Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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