Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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