I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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