i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize