I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You can't special order awesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
