Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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