How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
