I'm drive I can fine osifer
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize