my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
