best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
