And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
