so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
