you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
