Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
