Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
