Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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