i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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