i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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