Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
