thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
being pregnant is like rehab
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
