he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize