I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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