So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
