I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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