His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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