what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
