"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
