His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
