btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
